


Let Her Go

by olicityplease



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Post 3x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 22:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2668313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olicityplease/pseuds/olicityplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver's been pushing Felicity away ever since he saw her kissing Ray Palmer, but how long can you keep pushing away the one you love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is full of angst, but there will be 2 chapters. Hope everyone enjoys!

Two months. That’s how long it had been since Oliver’s world came crashing down around him when he saw the woman he loved kissing another man. He had every intention of telling her how he felt. Diggle’s words echoed in his head even now as he was in the foundry, taking his frustrations out on the practice dummy. “You gotta tell her how you feel, before it’s too late.” Oliver rolls his eyes and throws another jab at the dummy. He was too late anyways. His skin crawls just thinking of Felicity kissing Ray. But he couldn’t blame her. He told her he couldn’t be with her. Multiple times. He even told Carrie he had to be alone, knowing Felicity was listening. All the blame for how he was feeling was on him.

These thoughts are what plagued him most nights, and it’s probably why he hadn’t had a proper night’s rest since that night in Queen Consolidated. _Don’t you mean Palmer Technologies?_ His mind really enjoyed reminding him all he had lost to Ray Palmer. The pain of losing his family’s company was just a small comparison to the pain he felt when he thought of losing Felicity. They hadn’t even talked about her being with him, but he could tell that kiss had led to them dating. She had asked for nights off every week since that night and she wouldn’t even come close to him when they were in the foundry. He wished for the times before their date, when she had given him the fern and bought him a bed, because things seemed so much simpler then. He had been happy.

But, of course, it all went to crap that night he finally allowed himself to think about any kind of future with the woman he loved. He has the sight of her on their date burned into his mind. He thinks about the way her blonde hair flowed around her shoulders and the way her red dress clung to her body perfectly. He imagined what could’ve happened if Werner Zytle hadn’t blown up the restaurant. They could’ve enjoyed some Italian food while talking about anything they wanted to. For once, it didn’t have to be about Arrow business or Queen Consolidated business. He could’ve brought her home and lingered in her doorway as she dug for her keys. He could’ve said goodnight and left, but not before kissing her passionately and promising to see her the next day. 

But those were just dreams. Dreams that he’s had every night since the night in the hospital hallway when he told her he couldn’t be with anyone. Dreams that would never come true because she was with another man.

“Oliver?”

Oliver looked up to see Diggle in the foundry and frowned. What time was it?

“Diggle, what are you doing here?” He asked, moving away from the training area towards the man that had become his confidant over the past few months.

“It’s 6am. You told me to meet you here…” Diggle trailed off, glancing curiously at Oliver. 

It was morning already? He looked at his phone and it confirmed what Diggle had told him. The soldier was always on time. 

“I didn’t even realize. Wow. Okay, I’ll hop in the shower then we can head out.” Oliver said, heading to the showers they had on the other side of the foundry. 

He was almost to the door when he heard Diggle say, “Have you even slept?” There was no judgment in his voice, but he could tell the man was worried about him. He knew Oliver hadn’t been sleeping at all and ever since the night he took him up on his offer to join him and Lyla for dinner, John and Oliver had gotten a lot closer. He never told him what happened that night with Felicity, but he suspected John already knew. He knew everything… somehow. 

“No. I guess I just lost track of the time. I’ll be right out.” Oliver said and went into the bathroom, the door closing behind him, before Diggle could even reply.

They had to meet Felicity at Queen Consolidated to get the information they needed to stop the new weapons pusher in the Glades that they had been tracking. They had to go before normal working hours that way Palmer didn’t question Felicity or them about why they had to show up at the office all the time. _And so you don’t have to watch the woman you love interact with the man who had given her what you couldn’t._ There goes his mind reminding him of things he didn’t need to be reminded of again.

~  
A week later, Oliver was coming into the foundry after a night of patrolling the Glades. He hadn’t seen Felicity since he and Diggle went to Palmer Technologies and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. They had been in the same room, but they might as well have been on opposite sides of the country. He couldn’t show her how much he was hurting, so he had to push all of his feelings down in order to stop himself from sounding like a jealous ex-boyfriend every time she mentioned “Ray”. His insides churned every single time she said his name with so much familiarity and he thought about when she used to say his name. Now, she just didn’t address him. She talked at him and through him, but never to him. He couldn’t blame her once again, because he was doing the same thing.

It hurt too much to look her in the eyes. 

When Oliver reached the bottom of the stairs, his thoughts immediately went quiet because Felicity was there. In the foundry. Working on her computers. It seemed normal, but that’s what bothered him. Ever since the night he saw her with Palmer, she had been avoiding him and only coming to the foundry when Diggle or Roy was there. He picked up on her avoidance strategy quickly and did the same thing. That’s why he was returning at two in the morning. He thought she would’ve left hours ago. 

He looked around and there was no sign of Diggle and Roy and he wasn’t sure why she was still there. He put his bow and quiver up before turning to face her. He drank her in while her attention was on her computers. Her hair was up in her signature ponytail and she was wearing a simple pink sweater paired with a black pencil skirt. It was simple, yet she still took his breath away. 

He took a minute to compose himself, cleared his throat, and said “Felicity, what are you doing here? It’s late. You should head out.” He turned away while talking so he didn’t have to look at her. He could look at her back all day, but the moment she looked at him, he internally lost his shit. 

He heard the moment she stopped typing and listened closely. He then heard her take a deep breath before saying “Sorry, I had some searches running. They’re almost done, then I’ll be out of your way.” 

He stopped in his tracks on his way to the bathroom. She sounded… hurt? No. Oliver must be hearing things. He shook his head and went to take a shower. He was officially hearing things that weren’t there. She was happy with Ray. There was no way she was hurting. 

He came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later and found her chair empty and the foundry cold without her presence. He walked to her setup, her chair empty, and placed his hand on the back of the chair. He did this sometimes. Somehow it made him feel closer to her in the time they’ve been apart. He closed his eyes, wishing things were different, then went to the salmon ladder. He wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

~

The next night, things were even more tense than usual. When Oliver got to the foundry after having dinner with Thea at their apartment, he noticed the abnormal behavior from everyone. Not because of Felicity (that had been normal lately, sadly), but with Roy and Diggle. Roy was being really quiet and acting like something was bothering him, while Diggle was casting more curious glances towards Oliver than usual. Oliver immediately went to Roy. He knew the fact that he had killed a cop was bothering him, but this seemed… different somehow. 

Roy was standing just a few feet from the fern Felicity had given Oliver just a few months ago and Oliver quickly pushed those memories to the back of his head before he got lost in them again. He picked up the water bottle he used to water the fern and gave it just the right amount of water (Google had told him not to excessively water it) before returning the lid to the water bottle and faced Roy.

“Hey, you okay?” Oliver tried to make his voice sound casual, but even he had to admit he failed. 

When Roy finally looked up and met his eyes, Oliver flinched. He looked, for lack of a better word, pissed. His eyes were almost bulging out of his head and Oliver immediately put himself on guard. You don’t survive 5 years in hell without learning how to read people.

Roy stood straight and squared his shoulders to Oliver, seeming like he was trying to hold himself back. Oliver saw Diggle unfold his arms and approach them, but Oliver held his hand up, silently telling him he could handle this. 

“What’s the problem, Roy? Is it Thea?” Oliver asked, trying to tread carefully. He knew things hadn’t been great between the two of them, but they had seemed civil. Thea hadn’t mentioned anything at their dinner.

“What? No. Everything with Thea is fine. My problem is with you!” Roy replied, well it was more of a roar, and Oliver flinched at his words.

“What did I do?” Oliver asked, thinking about everything that had happened since he last saw Roy and came up with nothing. They were fine when they were training yesterday.

“What did you do? Seriously?” Roy shook his head, grabbed his bow, and left. Oliver knew he just needed to calm down and some patrolling would help with that. He’d give him some time, but not too much. Letting anything simmer, he knew, was never a good idea.

Diggle came up to him then and just stood there, about two feet away from him with his arms crossed. Here we go again, Oliver thought.

“Diggle?” Oliver made sure to make it sound like a question, that way he didn’t piss the ex-soldier off. He knew he could take Roy, but he hadn’t been forced to figure out if he could take Diggle, and he wasn’t ready to figure that out tonight.

“What are you doing, man?” Diggle said, and Oliver could tell he was fighting to be calm.

Oliver took a minute to think about the answer to that question. “What do you mean?” Oliver couldn’t remember doing anything that would cause Diggle to ask him that, so he needed specifics here. 

Diggle scoffed and turned away. Oliver eyed the man as he saw him clench his jaw and shake his head. When he turned to face Oliver again, Oliver could see the man battling with himself internally.

“John, what’s going on?” Oliver was worried now. Diggle always told him exactly what he thought, especially since they’d gotten so close, yet now he was keeping something from him.

Diggle shook his head, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the stairs. Oliver was about to turn around and change into his arrow gear when he heard Diggle call over his shoulder, saying “You need to talk to Felicity.” He turned around and left without another word.

What? Felicity? What did she have to do with Roy and Diggle’s bad moods?

Oliver was out the foundry, ready to disappear under his hood, ten minutes later. He spent the next three hours patrolling around the Glades with no sign of Roy, but he couldn’t get Diggle’s words out of his head. He kept thinking about the night before, when they were in the foundry alone, but he couldn’t come up with any answer to the cold shoulders he was given by his partners. He had to get to the bottom of this and he knew there was only one way to do that. 

~

An hour later, Oliver was back where his heart had shattered just a few months ago. He remembered seeing Felicity in Palmer’s arms and how much it hurt. He swore to himself he would never return to her office in that moment, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

He moved quietly, taking the stairs to the floor that used to hold his office. When he reached the floor, he stuck to the shadows. He was still in his arrow suit and knew that if anyone saw him, he’d have to break some glass to get away as fast as possible. He smiled, thinking Ray Palmer would have to fix them and thought about just breaking the windows anyways, but quickly decided not to. He could be a man about this. He saw a vase sitting on a table in the hallway and took it, placing it on a different table. Okay, so he couldn’t be completely grown up about it, but it was better than the alternative of breaking windows.

He stopped right outside of Felicity’s office, which is probably what he should have done last time, and listened. He definitely didn’t want to walk in on her kissing Palmer again. Once he was sure he heard her typing on her keyboard, he hesitantly stepped into the office.

The first thing he noticed was that it was just so… Felicity. She had touches of color he had never even bothered with when it was his office. She was sitting at her desk, attention on the computer in front of her, twirling a pen in her hand. Oliver looked closer and smiled. It was a red pen.

He knew the moment she had sensed him in the room. Her eyes didn’t leave her computer, but the pen fell from her fingers to the desk and she closed her eyes for just a beat too long than normal. He walked towards her, stopping five feet before the desk, and removed his hood. He finally got a good look at her and saw she was wearing a white dress, her hair down, and his breath caught in his throat. He waited patiently for her to turn towards him. He knew better than to interrupt her while she was working. He just stared at her for the next few minutes, taking her in. God, he had missed her. He’d tried ignoring the empty feeling inside of him that had grown exponentially bigger over the past few months, but tonight it had caught up with him. He was in her office at Palmer Technologies, as a sign so generously reminded him, and he wasn’t sure why he had come. He knew he needed to talk to her, but this was too much. He was just about to turn around and leave when he heard her stand up from behind her desk and move to the side. He couldn’t help but think that was almost the exact position she had been in when he saw her here last, kissing another man. The thought hit him like a freight train and he had to turn away from her. He walked to the floor to ceiling windows and finally appreciated the view he hadn’t appreciated when he had this office. He took a deep breath and got his emotions under control. He couldn’t do this right now. He had to control himself right now and take his frustrations out on a practice dummy later. 

He heard Felicity walk closer to him, but she still wasn’t close enough. Hell, nothing would ever be close enough with her. He wanted her right up against him, but he knew that couldn’t happen, so he appreciated she hadn’t just left him alone.

“What are you doing here, Oliver?” He heard her ask. He hated that they were like this. Her walls were up with him and he hated it. They had always been easy, but now? Things were definitely not easy.

He took one more minute to get himself together before facing her. The sight of her made him want to take her in her office right now, to hell with everything else, but that would be selfish. He forced his eyes away from her and said “Something is up with Roy and Diggle. When I asked them about it, Diggle told me to talk to you. Any idea what that’s about?”

He watched as Felicity tensed even more (he really didn’t think that was possible, but as always, she proved him wrong), and took a step back. 

“Nope.” She replied curtly, and it felt like she had taken a lot more than just one step back. It felt like she had gone to the other side of the world with all of the distance that was between them.

He took a deep breath and internally debated what to do. Did he fight with her and demand her to tell him what was wrong? Or did he just let it go like he’d been doing for the last three months? He was tired of being a coward. Tired of letting this woman that he loved with all of his heart and soul slip through his fingers. 

He took a step closer to her, then another, and looked her straight in the eye for the first time since he saw her in this very office. He saw so many emotions in that moment, but one stood out above the rest. Pain.

“Felicity, what’s wrong?” He couldn’t help the words that tumbled out of his mouth. He loved her, and he hated seeing her hurting. That’s why he had decided he couldn’t be with her. He didn’t want anything to happen to her because of him. He had almost lost her during their date, and he knew he couldn’t ever let something like that happen again. But standing there, seeing her hurting, he couldn’t handle it. 

He took another step forward, being physically close to her for the first time in months, and his heart raced. He could smell the perfume she was wearing and he smiled, happy she hadn’t changed it. It was fruity with just a hint of elegance. It was so Felicity. His Felicity. 

His smile instantly dropped when he realized she was not smiling. She looked… defeated.

“Felicity, what’s-“ 

She cut him off by raising her hand, telling him not to say anything more. He watched as she hung her head and closed her eyes. She stood like that for what felt like hours, but had probably only actually been about two minutes. When she raised her head and met his eyes, he stumbled backward a step. She looked at him with such sorrow, that he momentarily thought that she had been feeling everything he had been feeling over the last few months. But he knew that wasn’t possible, so he figured it had to do with Ray or work. His fist clenched at the thought of the man hurting her and immediately went into protective mode.

“Is everything okay with Palmer? If he hurt you, I swear I’ll-“ He stopped talking at the glare she directed towards him. He rethought what he was going to say. Her problem obviously had to do with him. 

He set his bow down in the corner of the office, making sure it was out of sight, and returned to where Felicity stood. She hadn’t moved or said a word, and that made Oliver nervous. He really missed her babbling. He knew she needed time before she would tell him what was wrong, so he simply stood there patiently until she was ready to talk. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long.

“I can’t do this anymore, Oliver.” She whispered. He looked at her and saw her shoulders sag even more as she continued. “I can’t keep doing this dance with you. We’ve been avoiding each other ever since Cupid came to town, and I don’t know why. It’s like you just shut down and shut me out, and I don’t know what I did. I just… I can’t go on like this. When you told me to go home last night without even sparing me a glance, I realized I can’t be this close to you while simultaneously being so far away from you.”

Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but Felicity silenced him with her next words. “I think it’d be best if I stopped coming to the foundry and you and Digg stopped coming here. I’ll still help whenever the two of you need me, but I can’t be in your life anymore. Not like this.”

Oliver was shocked, to say the least. He had been expecting a lot out of him coming here tonight. Her telling him to leave, him not showing up at all, her kissing Palmer again, but he never thought she would remove herself from the team. 

“So that’s it? You’re just going to quit?” Oliver asked around the lump in his throat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“Do you think this is an easy decision for me Oliver?” Felicity all but shouted. “I love helping this city and you, but I can’t do that if all I can think about when I’m doing it is how to avoid you. I can’t put myself through this anymore. Ray said-“

“I don’t care what your boyfriend said.” Oliver growled, letting the mention of the man’s name affect him more than it should have.

“Really, Oliver? That’s how you’re going to act right now?” Felicity took a deep breath and turned around, heading back to her desk. “I was going to say that Ray said he could tell something has been bothering me and it’s affecting my work. I don’t want to do this Oliver, but I need to be somewhere that I know I’m welcome. And lately, that hasn’t been in the foundry with you.”

Oliver opened his mouth to protest, but closed it just as fast. She was right. He had been pushing her away and the distance between them was his fault. He was to blame, yet again. It wasn’t fair what he was doing to her. He loved her, so he had to let her go.

Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through his hair and looked at her one more time. She looked sad, but he knew she would be better once she didn’t have to worry about him and his crusade anymore. He turned around, grabbed his bow and headed for the door. 

Just before he put his hood back on his head, he turned around, looked at the woman he loved, and whispered just loud enough for her to hear. “I understand Felicity. I hope you are happy here and with Palmer.”

He turned back around, raised his hood, and disappeared into the night. 

He wasn’t sure his heart would ever put itself back together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really thought I could finish this story in 2 chapters, but the writing took me somewhere else. I'm sorry in advance. There will be 3 chapters. Enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think! :)   
> Twitter/Tumblr: olicityplease

Three weeks. That’s how long it had been since Oliver left Palmer Technologies, and Felicity, behind. He needed to focus on saving Starling and in order to do that, he had to stop thinking about Felicity. That’s what Oliver kept telling himself, but his head and his heart hadn’t been communicating lately. The more he tried to not think about her, the more he thought about her. While he was working out, he thought about how much she enjoyed watching him work out. When he was out patrolling, he missed hearing her voice through the comms. Diggle had a nice voice and all, but he just wasn’t Felicity. So this is what a broken heart felt like?

Oliver had been hurt before, sure. When Tommy died, he wasn’t sure he would be able to go on. He had even left for five months, but who had brought him back? Felicity. When his mother died, he wanted to disappear. He couldn’t even attend her funeral, but who brought him back? Felicity. Laurel may have given him the pep talk when he woke up, but it was Felicity’s voice in his mind calling him a hero that really brought him back. So, how did he come back when the one person he needed was who he needed to come back from?  
Oliver had just gotten back to the foundry from patrolling when he heard the door from the side entrance close. He figured it was Roy or Diggle since the two of them hadn’t said anything to him since he left to patrol a few hours earlier. It was nearing midnight and his night was far from over. He had gotten used to only getting about three hours of sleep every night because every time he closed his eyes, he saw blue eyes, blonde hair and red pens. He thought he could at least push his body far enough to get his mind to shut up so he could sleep, but he had been proven wrong about that in the last few weeks. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get Felicity out of his head.

So, when he heard heels coming down the stairs, he thought the lack of sleep had finally caught up to him. They hadn’t spoken since that night three weeks ago and he told Roy and Diggle he talked to Felicity and everything was fine. They raised their eyebrows at him when he said that, but when he followed it with “she quit the team”, they quickly nodded and moved on. None of them had mentioned Felicity since. Oliver knew Diggle kept in contact with her because they were friends, and Roy probably did too, but they never talked about her around him. Oliver knew it was to keep from having awkward conversations, but not mentioning her felt awkward too. She was part of the team; the glue that held them together. Didn’t they miss her as much as he did?

Oliver shook his head of his thoughts and turned away from the training dummy he was sparring with. It had quickly become his favorite way to pass the time when he felt the void Felicity had left the most, but he didn’t know if that feeling ever really went away. 

When he finally made his way towards the door, his breath caught in his throat. Standing in front of him was Felicity. For a second he thought he was dreaming, but when he saw the frown on her face, he knew this wasn’t a dream. She was always smiling in his dreams. 

She looked radiant. That was the second thing he noticed after her frown. She was wearing a dark green dress, her hair pulled up out of her face in a ponytail. He couldn’t help but stand there and gaze at her. Was she trying to say something with wearing the same color dress as his arrow suit? _No. Don’t let yourself hope._ His mind reminded him they were still very not together and she probably just thought Diggle was here still.

Oliver turned around and started making his way back to the training dummy. Without glancing back, even though he really wanted to, he said “Digg’s not here. He was gone when I got back.”

He started punching the practice dummy in the corner without waiting for a response. He figured she’d just turn around and leave and his heart could go back to its normal rhythm. The damn thing just couldn’t control itself around her and his mind cursed it. He was throwing a right punch when her voice cut through the foundry for the first time since she arrived.

“I’m actually here to see you.” He heard her say it confidently, but he knew her well enough to know the crack at the end was her losing her nerves.

He turned back towards her and saw she was now standing only four feet from him. When she was this close, he could smell her perfume, the fruity and elegant concoction he had missed. He went against all of his instincts that were screaming at him to just take her in his arms and never let go when he simply said “Oh. What do you need?”

_Conceal, don’t feel,_ his mind kept telling him. Why had he watched Frozen with baby Sara again? He cleared his throat and grabbed a towel sitting on the table next to him and wiped the sweat from training off of his face. He needed to do something to keep his hands from reaching out to her. 

“I want to come back on the team.” She said bluntly. Oliver could not have been more shocked. The towel fell from his hands and he was pretty sure his jaw had hit the ground. He composed himself, hoping she hadn’t noticed but knowing she did, and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Oh. Uh, what changed your mind?” He couldn’t meet her eyes so he stared at his feet as he asked. Was it Diggle? Roy? No, he knew her better than that. She didn’t do things unless she wanted to, so this had to have been her decision. _Just like kissing Palmer._ He scolded himself for thinking it and waited for her answer. He felt rather than saw her take a step forward. When she was around, his body was so in tune with her. If she talked, he knew it. If she moved, his body reacted. 

He was still looking at his feet, so he wasn’t sure what he was expecting her to say. Whatever it was, it definitely was not what she said.

“Well, I miss you. I mean, not just you, obviously. This whole thing.” She motioned to the foundry when she said that, but she wasn’t done. “I want to do some good in this city, just like you. I won’t let you pushing me away keep me from that. I’m in this just as much as you and Digg and Roy. I may not be a physical threat like the two of you are, but I can hold my own. I can help, and that’s what I want to do. Personal feelings aside, I want to be here.”

He heard her take a deep breath, like she had practiced that a few times, and he smiled. Felicity was back. 

He was just about to open his mouth and tell her she could do what she wanted, but he felt her take another step toward him, now barely out of his reach. He could see her feet in his vision now and her being that close almost overwhelmed him. They hadn’t been this close in so long and he missed it. He missed her. 

He pushed those feelings down as quickly as they had come up. She wasn’t there to be with him or say she wasn’t with Palmer. She was there to be back on the team. This was business, not personal. No matter how much he wanted it to be the latter, it wasn’t.

He raised his head to look her in the eyes for the first time since she came into the foundry. She looked nervous, like she half expected him to say no. Did she really not know how much he needed her here?

He turned around without saying anything and headed towards the showers. When he reached the door to the bathroom, he said “Well, I guess I’ll see you here tomorrow night, then.” He couldn’t hide the smile in his voice or on his face when the bathroom door closed behind him.

He may not be able to have her in the way he wanted, but he wanted her in his life in any way she would allow.

~

Things went back to normal over the next few weeks. Well… as normal as being in love with the woman who had broken your heart while still seeing her every day and working with her every single day could be. Yeah… completely normal.

It had been just another night of crime fighting. Oliver walked into the foundry and everyone was there. Diggle, Roy and Felicity. They were huddled around Felicity’s computers, whispering. When they saw him, they immediately stopped talking. Oliver shot curious glances their way before putting up his bow and heading for the showers. If they wanted to tell him what was going on, they would. He wasn’t going to pry.

After his shower, he expected all of them to still be there, but when he stepped out of the bathroom, the only person he saw was Felicity.

_Well, this can’t be good._

He walked over to Felicity, making sure to keep his distance like he always did, and said “Where did Diggle and Roy go?”

He watched as Felicity turned toward him with a strained smile on her face and said “Uh, they left already. They wanted to give us some alone time.” When Oliver raised his eyebrow at her, Felicity visibly cringed at her words before continuing. “I mean… not _that_ kind of alone time, but I need to talk to you about something and I didn’t want them to be here.” 

Oliver tensed at her words, expecting the worse. Was she going to quit again? The thought scared him more than he was willing to admit. He was used to having her around again and he didn’t want that to be over. 

“Oh, it’s nothing bad.” Felicity said, and Oliver was pretty sure she saw him visibly relax. “I just… I wanted to talk about us. About what’s happened between us.”

“Oh.” Oliver croaked out. He wasn’t really sure what else to say. Where was she going with this? He was suddenly terrified. “Okay. What’s up?” Yeah… He could do this. Keep it cool. 

His next breath was shaky and he knew she heard it. Damn nerves. Why did she make him so nervous? _Because you love her, idiot._ Oliver shook his head and tried to give her a smile that didn’t look like a grimace, failed, and just sat at the table by her computers. The fern she had given him looked like it needed some water, so he quickly watered it to keep himself from sprinting from the room.

When he turned his attention back towards Felicity, she had a warm smile on her face and Oliver allowed himself to relax. This was Felicity. No matter what it was, he could handle it. _Unless she breaks your heart in two again._

“Okay.” She started, cleared her throat, and took a deep breath. _She’s nervous too._ Oliver gave her an encouraging smile, letting her know he was listening. “I just wanted to talk about what happened between us when Cupid was here. It seems like everything changed between us after that and I’m not sure why. Yeah, I know you can’t be with me and that’s fine, but we had established that when baby Sara was born. It had been weeks since then, and nothing had changed until Cupid came into town. After that, it was like you just shut down. You shut me out and pushed me away and I let you. I knew you were convinced you had to be alone, but the timing was weird. Then I realized that was also the first time I kissed Ray…” She trailed off, and he knew she was looking at him for a reaction.

He took a deep breath and rested his elbows on his knees before nodding. “Yeah, I saw the two of you at your office.”

She gasped at his words and Oliver raised his eyes to look at her. She didn’t look surprised like he had thought, but rather… sad.

“Oliver…” She started, but he wouldn’t let her continue.

“It’s fine. You moved on. I get it. I do have to be alone and I knew you couldn’t wait for me forever. I guess part of me thought you would, but seeing the two of you reminded me that it would be selfish to make you wait for me, when I didn’t even know if I’d ever be ready to be with you. I went to your office that night to… Well it doesn’t matter. But I want you to be happy Felicity, and if you’re happy with Ray, then I’m happy for you.” 

Oliver tried to get through that as fast as possible. He didn’t want things to be weird and he did want her to be happy. He wanted her to be happy with him, but he knew Ray could make her happy in ways he never could. Ray wasn’t dark and broken. Oliver was. Felicity deserved better than him.

He smiled at her and stood, thinking the conversation was over. He walked by her and she stopped him with a hand on his arm. The touch reminded him of the time in the Queen mansion when he told her he loved her for the first time. She had touched him then, too. 

“Oliver, why did you come to the office that night?” She asked, hand still on his arm, and waited for his answer.

He shouldn’t tell her. It would only complicate things. Does he tell her? He was always honest with Felicity. He wasn’t going to change that now.

“I was going to tell you that I was wrong. Again.” He chuckled, ran a nervous hand through his hair, and continued. “I was wrong when I told Cupid that I had to be alone. I was going to tell you how I felt, but then I saw you with Ray and… I don’t know. I wanted you to be happy, Felicity. That will never change. You looked happy, so I left.”

Felicity had tears in her eyes and as one ran down her cheek, Oliver caught it with his thumb and wiped it away. For a moment, they were all that existed in the world. When his eyes found hers, he forgot about all of the complications they had. He forgot about the fact that she was in a relationship with Palmer, that he should be alone so he doesn’t get her killed, everything. His hand cupped her cheek and he closed his eyes. He didn’t lean in; didn’t want this moment to be over. He just stood there, holding everything that was dear to his heart in his hand, her hand burning his flesh where it still rested on his arm.

Then, it was over. He opened his eyes, smiled at her, and left without another word. 

_She deserved better._ That thought was the only thing that kept him from turning around and covering her lips with his. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms all night, exploring her body in every way possible, but he couldn’t.

She needed to be happy. They had only talked for a few minutes and he already had her in tears. His feelings were his to deal with. Not hers. He wouldn’t allow himself to make her miserable, too.


	3. Hold On Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so much fun writing these characters again. This is the final chapter in this fic and I hope everyone enjoys :) Feel free to comment/give kudos. Enjoy! :)
> 
> Twitter/Tumblr: olicityplease

Oliver spent the next hour standing on top of a random rooftop in the Glades, thinking about what had almost happened in the foundry. He needed to be more careful around Felicity. He had made a decision and he needed to stick to that. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself or Felicity. She, once again, deserved better. Better than this situation. Better than him.

The night had been quiet, so he went back to the apartment he had with Thea. He didn’t bother calling out when he got home; she had been spending her nights with some DJ lately. Oliver didn’t like it, but what could he do? He had learned that telling Thea what to do only caused more problems.

He had just shrugged his jacket off when there was a knock at the door and he immediately went still. He grabbed the pocket knife out of his jacket and went to the door, approaching slowly. There was another knock once he got to the wall adjacent to the door and he noticed it was a quiet, hesitant knock. If someone wanted to kill him, wouldn’t the knock be a little more… forceful? 

He took a deep breath before looking through the peep hole and saw her. Blonde hair, blue eyes, and bright pink lips. _Felicity…_ Why was Felicity there? He thought after what he said earlier, things would just go back to being strained like they had been after he saw her kissing Palmer. Maybe something was wrong? If she had chosen to come to his apartment instead of calling, it couldn’t be good.

He opened the door and offered her a smile before saying “Hey, everything-“ He couldn’t even finish the question before Felicity had pushed herself through the door and kissed him. It wasn’t a kiss like the one they had shared in the hospital. No, that was a kiss he selfishly took. A kiss he had thought of every single day ever since. This kiss was… everything. He felt so much in that kiss that he almost forgot to kiss her back. But once his mind caught up to what was happening, instincts took over. 

He heard her purse drop to the floor as his arms wrapped around her waist and her hands met at the back of his head. The feeling of her pressed against him caused all thoughts to go silent. His tongue skimmed her bottom lip, begging for entrance, and she opened greedily. Their tongues didn’t battle for dominance; they didn’t need to. They simply melded to each other, exploring and tasting. He heard Felicity moan his name and it had the effect of cold water being poured over Oliver.

Not because he didn’t want her. God, did he want her. He wanted nothing more than to take her to his room and show her all the ways he wanted her. He wanted to explore her body all night and never stop. He wanted to fall asleep with her next to him and wake up with her in his arms. He wanted all of it. He wanted all of _her._

But he couldn’t have all of her. She was taken. She was with Palmer and what they were doing right now, no matter how right it felt, was wrong. Wrong because he needed to save Starling City and keep her safe. 

So, he did the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. It was harder than any of the hell he had faced in the five years he had been away or any of the hell he had faced since coming back.

He pulled away from her.

He stepped back and put his arms at his side, rubbing his finger and thumb together where he wished there had been an arrow. He was out of breath and tried to regain some control of himself. Felicity was also breathing heavily and it was _hot._ Her cheeks were flushed and she looked so turned on in that moment that Oliver started second guessing his decision. But he couldn’t. She deserved better than a one night stand. 

“Felicity, I think you should go.” It broke his heart to say it, but it was the right thing to say. Oliver had never done the right thing. Not by Sara, Laurel, Helena or McKenna. But Felicity was different. He would always try his best to do right by Felicity and that’s what he told himself when he saw her shoulders droop as she ran a hand down her dress.

One moment, she looked radiant and glowing, and the next moment she looked pissed off. 

“Well, Oliver, I don’t think that’s your decision to make.” She looked determined and her words sounded confident, but he could tell what he did had hurt her. She knew he was pushing her away once again.

He shook his head before turning away from her and headed to the living room to stare out the windows. He needed some distance. Being that close to her after what had just happened would only cause more things to happen. He had a hard time thinking with her in the same room on any given day, much less just inches away from him after he had just experienced the best kiss of his life.

“I can’t do this tonight, Felicity. Please, just… go.” He knew he sounded defeated, but he didn’t have the energy anymore. It was taking all of his strength to push her away. His heart was breaking once again and he wasn’t sure it would ever put itself back together. 

He heard her approach him then felt her hand on his shoulder. She applied a small amount of force to get him to face her. When he finally looked her in the eyes, he saw she had unshed tears in her eyes. He was hurting her again and he hated himself for it. He hated the whole situation they were in and he clenched his fist by his side. Why did things always have to be so hard?

“I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk and I’m not letting you push me away again, Oliver.” She looked at him with determination and he knew she wasn’t going to leave before they talked. He sighed and walked to the couch in the living room, motioning across from him for her to have a seat. 

Instead of sitting on the love seat opposite him, she sat right next to him. Literally. Her thigh was pressing against him and he had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. He wondered if she knew of the affect she had on him.

Oliver turned towards her, making sure to put some distance between them, and asked her, “What is there to talk about, Felicity? We can’t be together. You’re with Palmer and I just want you to be happy. I can’t make you happy.”

Oliver had expected her to cry or sigh or… well _anything_ other than what she did next. 

She took his hands in his and raised them to his mouth. She placed a kiss on each of his knuckles before placing their joined hands in her lap. With a deep breath, she said, “Oliver Queen. You are infuriating, stubborn, complicated, difficult, and honestly, you just can’t let yourself be happy. Ever. But, you are also brave, courageous, selfless, kind, giving, and have dedicated your life to making sure everyone is happy before yourself. But what about us, Oliver? Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want _me_ to be happy? Because I’d hate to be the one to tell you this, but my happiness is directly related to yours. So, if you won’t be selfish and allow yourself happiness, be selfless and allow _me_ to be happy. Let _me_ have _you._ Let yourself have us.”

Oliver felt a tear escape his eyes and run down his cheek at Felicity’s words. He felt the hope rise in his chest and he couldn’t believe what he had heard. Was she right? Could he let himself be with her?

“But what about you and Palmer? I saw you… you know…” Oliver trailed off, not wanting to say the words. 

“Ray? Oliver, there is no me and Ray. There is only ever you. That kiss was me thinking I could move on from you. But the moment it was over, I realized I could never feel for anyone what I feel for you. You are the person I’m meant to be with. You are the person I love and-“

Oliver stopped her, not being able to control himself anymore. He leaned in and kissed her, holding her face in his hands. It felt so similar to that kiss in the hallway at the hospital, yet so different. It was like this was the beginning. This wasn’t him pushing her away like last time. It was him grabbing her and holding onto her, refusing to ever let go. She had been right. Pushing her away was never the answer. He deserved to be happy, just like she did. 

He felt Felicity push at his chest just enough to let him know she had something to say and he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. She was all he could see and feel in that moment and he wasn’t sure he had ever felt so… _happy._

They were both taking deep breaths now, just staring into each other’s eyes. Felicity’s eyes were the brightest blue he had ever seen and he felt so many things in that moment knowing he was the reason she was happy.

She placed her hands on either side of his face, holding him like she thought he would run away, before saying “I don’t plan on letting you go, Oliver Queen. So I suggest you back out now before it’s too late.”

His mouth turned up into a real, true smile and placed a quick kiss on her lips before saying “Felicity Smoak, it was too late the moment I walked into your office with a bullet ridden laptop and you were chewing on a red pen.”

He felt her smile as he covered her mouth with his once more. This kiss was passionate and full of love. He knew he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life kissing this woman that he loved with all of his heart.

He stood up, pulling her with him, and held her hand in his as they made their way to his room. It probably seemed like he was going to make love to her right then, but tonight, he just wanted her in his arms. There would be time to explore every inch of her body with his mouth and hands. They had the rest of their lives. But that night, he just wanted to hold her and fall asleep feeling her heartbeat against his.

When they reached his room, they didn’t say anything. Nothing needed to be said. He pulled her to his king sized bed in the center of the room and laid down, pulling her to his side. 

He tangled their legs together as she placed her head on his chest, throwing her arm across his stomach. 

“I love you, Felicity.” He whispered minutes later, almost certain she was asleep already.

It surprised him when he felt her lips place a tender kiss over his heart before looking up at him and saying “I love you too, Oliver.”

Just like that, the world seemed right for the first time in his entire life. He slept with the woman he loved in his arms and the future he used to think he didn’t have suddenly seemed very within his grasp. All because of a beautiful, blonde IT girl that had always believed in him. That night, he dreamed of blonde haired, blue-eyed kids running around the yard, his arms wrapped around the woman he loved.


End file.
